First!

Hrm.  Those douchey people that always type "first" in comment threads seem so satisfied with themselves.  This feels pretty much like a petty, empty victory.  Of course, I am doing it on my own blog, so there's very little competition to proclaim "First!" with such fervor.  That must be it.  Because people on the internet are always correct, well-meaning, and genuine.

Hi.  I'm Adrienne.  Odds are, if you're reading this first post, you likely already know me.  If you don't, then: Hi.  I'm Adrienne.

I swear, I don't always write like I've suffered a recent concussive trauma.  Or then again, maybe I do.  Maybe I do and nobody's told me!! Oh no!!

That's actually a very real fear that I thought I was a freak for having for a long time.  I had this weird paranoia that I'm actually not terribly bright or interesting, or that I have some severe and distracting tic or habit of which I am entirely unaware; and that my family and close friends somehow run interference ahead of me in social and professional situations.  They encourage the people I'm about to meet to be supportive and kind, so really everyone's just protecting me from myself.  That everything I've worked hard to achieve is a gesture of kindness on the part of relative strangers.

...If only the world were that altruistic.

I kept this paranoia to myself for a long time, until a childhood friend -- who has since joined the priesthood -- was giving me a ride to the airport this past summer.  The drive was long from Deep Creek, MD to Pittsburgh (yep, that's the nearest airport), so we found ourselves chatting about anything and everything as we traversed the highways in the grey of the early morning fog.  About halfway through the drive, my friend said that he always had a weird fear that he wasn't actually smart at all and that his family had convinced people to give him a shot.

It's strange to be so happy to hear someone divulge something like that, but I smiled immediately.  This intelligent, interesting, kind person that has devoted his life to the service of other people had the same concern as I did.   And later, I was telling Dan (for those of you that somehow don't know me, that's my fella), and he said he'd thought that as well.

So apparently it's completely normal to assume that we somehow are afraid we're overestimating ourselves?  That we stumbled into jobs, lives, and situations of which we're somehow unworthy due to the kindness and generosity of others?

Better than assuming the world should fall at our feet just because we exist.  I've seen that too, and while everyone's got their own journey through this life, I'd prefer to keep mine as far distanced from folks with an unjustified sense of entitlement as possible.  Not always easy in a large city, but still doable.

Anyway, where was I...?

Right!  Hi, I'm Adrienne.  I sometimes, but not often, introduce myself three times in a single blog posting.  I oscillate between living in West Virginia and New York City.  Being asked by people in either location if the other is a culture shock has gotten tiresome very quickly.  I have a kickass family, fantastic friends, and the best partner a gal could ask for.  My furry companion is a three-legged cat named Harris, though he stays with my family when I'm in NY to spare him the upheaval of moving back and forth.  I love writing, theatre, reading, baking, ziplining, thrifting, burlesque, dancing, teaching, and exploring the world around me.  I love a good laugh, but don't find racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, or jokes about violence at all amusing.

I loathe street harassment and more often than not will hollaback at idiots that participate in bothering women as they walk down the street --  When it's safe! Never do that when you're alone, it's dark, etc... always make sure you're not compromising your safety!.  But we need to do everything we can to make sure we don't let those assholes get away with taking your freedom to be a person in a public place!

I started this blog because I'm neck-deep in a crazy job search and am looking for a writing outlet that gives me more freedom than a cover letter.  I'm also currently writing a television pilot, but a girl needs a break from that too sometimes.  So who knows where this little website'll go in terms of subject matter.  But I plan to keep writing if you'll keep reading.  So if the numbers show up on my metric page, I'll make an effort to be interesting in your general direction on a regular basis.

Until next time.